Glass Mirror
by Mimic Teruyo
Summary: A relaxed August afternoon spent at the Hakurei Shrine makes Komachi rethink on her past failed love confessions. Maybe the sixty-first time's the charm? Or does getting a yes no longer really matter?


_**Glass Mirror**_

* * *

"I really don't understand how you manage to stand it."

Komachi yawned and opened her eyes. "Come again?"

Reimu leaned in closer and made some noncommittal gestures towards the courtyard. "I mean, don't you get sick of this?"

It was one of those lazy afternoons of August, the kind of sunny and relaxed day on which there's nothing to do but looking at dragonflies buzzing through the near tropical air, and nothing but the chirping of cicadas to listen to. The occasional slight breeze brought some temporary relief to the intense heat, but even then the smartest thing to do was to find a shade and rest until evening.

The day was also one of Komachi's rare days off, and she was making the most of it. She was at the Hakurei Shrine, and while the shrine wasn't any cooler than the rest of Gensokyo, relaxing on the porch with pleasant company was still extremely enjoyable. She was lying prone on the steps of the porch, one hand lying on her stomach and the other under her head. Another visitor to the shrine, Marisa Kirisame, was somewhere behind her where she couldn't see her, and based on the heavy breathing she heard, she was at the very least on the brink of slumber. The owner of the shrine, Reimu Hakurei was leaning against the shrine's wall, legs to her side, a thin paper fan in hand, gazing forward with half-closed eyes.

Komachi chuckled. "What, do I get sick of your courtyard? It's not like I get the chance to admire it very often, you know."

"You know what I meant." Reimu pointed her paper fan forward. Komachi raised her gaze to see what she was talking about.

Further away on the courtyard was her boss, Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, in a short-sleeved version of her usual uniform, standing up straight as an arrow, the Rod of Remorse firmly clenched in her hands. She was talking to a miniscule oni, Suika Ibuki, who was wearing her trademark colourful clothes and sat cross-legged on the yard, swaying back and forth lightly. They were too far away to make out the words of their conversation, but it was easy to guess what they were discussing - or what Eiki was ranting about - and Suika, based on all evidence, was more interested in the butterflies, ladybugs, and specks of dust flying by than Eiki's words.

"Do I get sick of waiting around for her? Getting to rest without repercussion? Are you kidding me?" Komachi yawned again for emphasis. "Besides, it was my choice to come here with her today. It's not like I have to hang around her on my days off if I don't want to."

"And you want to?" said a voice behind her. Marisa had woken up and was looking at her, a languid smirk on her lips.

Komachi shrugged. "She wants to spend her spare time lecturing people, and I want to use mine to relax. If I go with her and she finds someone she wants to warn, I have the perfect excuse for slacking off without having to hear about it later."

Reimu frowned as if Komachi's explanation didn't make sense to her. "I'm glad that works for you. Still, that wasn't really what I meant."

"Oh?"

"Hey, Reimu," Marisa interrupted, "don't you think it's about time for sake?"

Reimu gave Marisa a withering glare. "And since when have you decided when it's time to drink my sake?"

Marisa was completely unfazed by Reimu's hostility. "It's not. I just figured this'd be the perfect time. I'm parched."

"And how is sake going to help that? Go get some water," was the snippy reply. However, after a few moments, Reimu let out a laborious sigh and got up. "You're in luck, I'm in the mood for drinking today."

"Isn't that every day?"

"Shut up. Would you like some too?" she asked, addressing the final question to Komachi.

"Yeah, thanks. Just a little though, I have work later today and Lady Eiki will be pissed if I'm smashed on the job."

Reimu disappeared into the shrine. Marisa took the opportunity to stretch her arms and then to roll onto her back.

"Man, you'd think even the Enma would take a break on a day like this," she said softly, her half-shut eyes on the courtyard. "You could boil eggs just by putting them outside on a day like this."

"Tell me about it. At least it's always cool at the river, with the mist and whatnot."

Marisa laughed. "Maybe I should come down there to chill for a while. I should get some research done and it's impossible to concentrate in my shack when it's pretending to be a sauna."

"Go right ahead, if you have a death wish. The place doesn't get any less deadly regardless of the season."

"I'm not scared. I have no plans to die before I reach full magician-hood, you know."

"Few people actually plan their deaths, and yet they die away, often when they least expect it. And those who thought they were immortal are completely miffed once they end up on the riverbank, still burdened by their unrepented sins and without enough money for the ferry. Suckers."

"Always a chipper one, aren't you?"

Komachi laughed. "Whatever could you mean?"

Reimu chose that moment to return, carrying a small tray with three tiny cups of chilled sake.

"Yukari brought this a while ago." She hesitated for a moment. "In other words, I'm not entirely sure it's safe to drink. Still, it looks and smells just fine, so I think we can risk it."

Komachi accepted the cup she was offered gratefully and took a sip of the cool liquid. It was dry and had a faint flavour of chestnuts.

"Ah, that hit the spot!" Marisa had downed her cup in one fell swoop and was now lying flat on the porch, her arms extended above her head.

The wind chimes jingled as a calming breeze passed over. Komachi closed her eyes and let the cool air wash over her. If she listened closely, she could actually hear parts of Eiki's rant, and she looked up to see how it was going. It must have been the "torments of Hell"-phase of the lecture. Suika was actually paying attention now, although she looked gleeful rather than terrified at the prospect of ending up in the abyss.

"Anyway, Komachi," Marisa suddenly muttered, "wouldn't you know when I was going to die anyway? I thought you were supposed to be able to see our lifespans."

Komachi shrugged again. "I can see them, but it's not foolproof. There's always the chance of something unexpected happening that will bump you off before your entire lifespan has been depleted. Or alternatively, were you to really become a magician, your fate and lifespan would once again change."

"Man, and I here I thought you could actually be dead certain about when people are going to bite it. That sounds pretty flimsy."

"It does work flawlessly most of the time. The lifespans of most normal people remain fixed from beginning to end," Komachi assured her, before flashing a relaxed grin, "the problem isn't with my eyes, but with the lack of normal people in Gensokyo."

Marisa returned the grin.

Komachi sipped at the drink. Whatever miracle Reimu had accomplished to keep the sake as cool as it was was a mystery to her, but she was more than grateful for it all the same.

"So," Reimu said as she placed her cup down and reached for her paper fan once more, "where were we?"

"I forget. I think you were going to ask me something."

A small emerald-coloured dragonfly glided through the air in front of Komachi. It was followed by another one, a large sapphire-blue creature, its lustrous body and filmy wings gleaming in the sunlight. Komachi noted with passing interest that whenever the green one landed, the blue one always attempted to land on the same blade of grass, driving the other one to escape back into the air.

"That's right. What I meant earlier is that how do you stand being at the receiving end of those lectures. I mean, don't you get nagged at the most?"

Komachi, her attention still on the dragonflies dancing through air, didn't immediately respond. She took a more comfortable position. "I'm not gonna lie, it can be a total pain in the ass at times. But you know, as sick as I get of it sometimes, it never goes so far that it makes me wanna quit. And while her lectures feel like they last for an eternity, at least she's doing it out of genuine concern and not just to whine." After a brief pause, she added: "I think so, anyway."

Marisa sat back up and leaned forward. "Out of concern? She's worried you're gonna get sent to Hell if you slack off too much while on the clock?"

Komachi chuckled. "I think that's what it really is when you come down to it, but I don't think that's what she's thinking every time she finds me snoozing off. Of course, I can't read her mind, so who knows?" Maybe she really does think about that all the time. That would explain why she wastes so much of her free time on stuff like this," she gesticulated in Eiki and Suika's general direction, "instead of doing what any sensible person would do and relax. It's not like her lectures even work most of the time. Usually, instead of making the sinners more determined to do good deeds, they make them more determined to avoid Lady Eiki like the plague."

Reimu's eyes narrowed as she too peered at Eiki and Suika. "Awfully harsh words, coming from her subordinate."

Komachi smiled. "Don't get me wrong, it's one of the things I like about her the most: she really does care. It's hard to find people in this line of work that bother for longer than a few decades." She sighed appreciatively. "She even keeps trying with me, despite knowing how futile it is. And that is why I can still tolerate it after all these years."

Marisa tilted her head. Her usual bright smile had been replaced by a thoughtful look. "You're unusually talkative today."

"Yeah." Komachi leaned back down to her back and watched the clouds go by. "I guess I have some things I need to get off my chest. You know how after a while if you don't get to talk about stuff, it'll just keep growing in your mind until you feel like you burst." She pulled a face. "Even with stuff as simple as this."

Marisa laughed. "Any other confessions you'd like to make while you're at it? Were you actually the one to steal Reimu's rice crackers last week?"

Reimu glared at her. "I already figured out it was you."

Marisa silenced her with a wave of her hand. "I'll get you some new ones later. Honest. So the crackers are out, but there must be some other dirt you can share with us."

Komachi closed her eyes. "Such as?"

"I don't know, something interesting. Any interesting rumours at the Ministry? Any guys working there that you like? Do you harbour a secret crush for your boss?"

Slowly, Komachi reopened her eyes.

"If you mean Lady Eiki, then yes, I do love her."

Reimu raised her eyebrow an eighth of an inch. Marisa, on the other hand, let her jaw drop.

"What, seriously?" Marisa stared at Komachi in shock for a while and then relaxed. "Huh. Gotta admit, I didn't see that coming. It really was nothing but a shot in the dark."

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Really, Marisa, I thought you were supposed to always be the first one to spot attractions. Are you really that surprised?"

Marisa shrugged. "Eh, no-one has perfect accuracy in these things. I think the real question is why you don't seem the least bit surprised."

Reimu snorted. "I was already suspecting as much. Why do you think I was asking all those questions?"

"Oh, sneaky! But hey, congratulations!" Marisa beamed at Komachi. "You managed to confess it! Now you just have to say it to her instead of us two and there you have it."

Komachi chuckled again, but there was no mirth in her voice. "Yeah, I don't think that's going to be a problem. I've already confessed to her..." She paused to count. "About sixty times, I think. The problem is getting her to accept it. Not going to happen in this universe, apparently."

"Oh, ouch." Marisa fell silent for a moment. "Care for another drink to drown your sorrows?"

"Get your own sake before offering it around!" Reimu snapped. Her tone softened. "But really, I can afford it if you need one."

Komachi waved her hand. "That's alright, I really shouldn't drink any more. Work and all that, remember? And really, it's not that bad. I'm already used to the situation."

"Yeah, you seem pretty calm about it." Marisa crawled in closer to get a better look at Komachi's face. "Then again, you're not the kind of person I'd except to break down and start sobbing over unrequited love."

Komachi smirked. "Who said it was unrequited?"

"It was kind of implied," Reimu said. "I thought she turned you down. If it's not unrequited, then why-"

"Work regulations. The Enma aren't supposed to get involved with anyone, least of all their subordinates."

The blue dragonfly had returned by itself, buzzing around aimlessly.

"Oh yeah, I can see why Little Miss Straitlaced might want to keep a distance, then," said Marisa.

"Watch it," said Komachi. She glared at Marisa, but kept the smile on her face.

"Even so," said Reimu, "how do you know she loves you back?"

"It's really quite easy to figure out. You see, when I asked her if she loved me, she refused to give me an answer. Now, she couldn't say yes because of work regulations," she continued before the others could interrupt her, "but what was stopping her from saying no if she didn't love me? Nothing, and that's the catch: with morals like hers she's practically unable to lie, and if she loves me saying no to the question would have been a bald-faced lie. And since she can't say yes, and she can't say no, she can only remain silent."

Neither Reimu nor Marisa looked entirely convinced.

"Huh," said Marisa. "Well, if you're sure about that. I guess you'd know it better than us, anyway. But really, there's no way she can even tell you she loves you?"

"Yeah." Komachi shook her head. "She absolutely cannot get involved."

"That sounds pretty sucky," said Marisa. "But then again, I guess it's easier when you know she loves you back rather than that there's nothing there."

"Yeah..." Komachi looked into the distance. "I guess."

"Whatcha talking about?" Suika had come over, and was looking at the group with her chin on the porch.

Komachi shrugged again. "Nothing terribly important."

"'Kay." She dropped all interest on the subject and instead focused on the empty cups on the porch. "Hey, drinking without me? That's not fair!" Then, hopefully: "Is there still some left?"

Reimu hid her eyes behind her hand and gave a strained sigh. "Yeah, there is. You're only getting one cupful, alright?"

"Yaaay!"

Reimu raised her eyebrows at the person standing behind Suika. "How about you?"

"Thank you for the offer, but I must refuse," said Eiki, nodding as she spoke. "I must return to work post-haste." For a moment, the smile on her face vanished, and she pointed the Rod of Remorse at Reimu. "Don't die before I get back to you."

Reimu sighed. "Wasn't planning to."

"I mean it. Your karma is so deep-"

"Lady Eiki?" Komachi said quickly. It was always better to cut Eiki off before she really got going. "We really need to go now unless we want to fly the whole way."

"Oh, yes, of course." The smile returned to Eiki's face. "It was a pleasure to meet you all again. We'll be seeing you again as soon as possible."

"We sure will!" Marisa yelled cheerfully, waving her hand. Reimu and Suika waved as well as Komachi and Eiki turned around and left the shrine.

* * *

Komachi sauntered down the narrowing path a few steps behind Eiki. They had flown over the Forest of Magic and continued on foot from there, towards Higan and Sanzu River. They could have flown the whole way, and it would have been faster to boot, but even Eiki had agreed that not enjoying the beautiful weather for an extra fifteen minutes would have been a sin.

Komachi sighed quietly, savouring the glow of the evening sun on her face. Better enjoy it while she still could, at Sanzu River she could barely tell night from day even after centuries of working there. The river mist obscured the sun at all times, and its glow was the same regardless of the time and season in the outside world.

Still, while Komachi often felt the draw of Gensokyo and its unique landscape and activities, she did truly love the river: it was still a beautiful place despite the lack of sunlight; the eerie calmness and the glowing mist had their own charm, and the ever-blossoming flowers of Higan were always a sight to behold. Getting to spend time at both places was, therefore, the best of both worlds.

She opened her eyes. Eiki's moss green hair was radiant in the sunlight, reflecting the light in a mesmerising way. She barely stopped herself from sighing again. No need to draw needless attention to herself.

They had already reached the market booths of the Road of Reconsideration. Most of them were closed today, but a few of the more diligent vendors were there, hawking their wares at the few idle visitors walking the road. She eyed the booths as they passed them with vague interests. Paper fans spun lazily around in the nearly non-existent wind, A man with a white grin and a simple yukata lwas loudly coaxing a young couple to try his goldfish capturing game, and someone was selling delicious-smelling takoyaki for a very affordable price. Komachi felt her mouth water, and briefly considered stopping to buy some. In the end, she decided otherwise. Too much of a hassle. Besides, she could always just sneak back later to buy some if she was so inclined.

"-it's truly quite admirable," Eiki's voice suddenly drifted back into her consciousness.

"Eh?" She turned to her side. Eiki had slowed down so that she was now walking right next to her. She looked much the same as always, with a calm smile on her face and azure eyes that always looked like they could pierce right through Komachi's soul with a simple gaze. Komachi smiled back uncertainly and switched to her polite mode. "I'm sorry, Lady Eiki, I was lost in thought. What were you saying?"

"I was speaking of the booth keepers here," said Eiki, bringing the Rod of Remorse to her lips and turning to look at the booths. "The revenues we get from their diligent work are currently indispensable to keep the Ministry of Right and Wrong running."

"Indeed, Lady Eiki," Komachi answered meekly.

Eiki nodded. "Of course, diligent work ought to be the cornerstone of everyone's life. We too must follow their example and do our very best."

"Yes, Lady Eiki."

She expected a remark on how Komachi might actually want to take what she said to heart instead of agreeing without meaning it, but it never happened. She scratched her cheek, feeling a little embarrassed. Eiki sure was in a good mood.

"Are you quite alright, Komachi? You seem rather subdued."

Komachi forced a smile on her face. "Nothing you don't already know of, Lady Eiki."

Eiki frowned a little at this. "I see. You do know that if something does vex you, you can simply tell me and I will do my best to set things right, don't you?"

"I know, Lady Eiki. Thank you."

Komachi took one last look at the booths as they passed the last one of them, but her mind was no longer really on them. She took another covert look at Eiki as they continued their journey. Despite all the time they spend together, she rarely saw Eiki being quite this calm. She was practically glowing with some sort of inner warmth, and had a soft smile on her face even when she was absently looking forward. Was she always like this, or had the conversation that afternoon simply awoken her again to how special Eiki was to her?

She nearly sighed again as she came to a decision. She slowed down, thinking about exactly how to say what she yearned to say.

In the end, she didn't have to think about the words. They came on their own, flowing like a mountain waterfall.

"Komachi, you-" Eiki paused and blinked and as she noticed that Komachi was no longer by her side. She turned, a slight frown on her face.

"Komachi, are you really sure everything is fine?"

"Yes, Lady Eiki. I'm absolutely certain." Komachi remained in place, making no signs of moving forward. Eiki stayed in place as well, looking rather confused.

"Lady Eiki." Komachi looked Eiki right in the eye. "I love you."

Eiki continued staring at her, her expression momentarily unreadable. Then, she lowered her head.

"Oh, Komachi..." she sighed.

A strange calmness swept over Komachi. Of course, she had lived through this same moment numerous times by now, but during every confession until this one she had still felt a flutter in her stomach, a fear spawned by a the slight sliver of hope in her heart. But now, nothing. She knew exactly how this would go, and instead of despair, it gave her a feeling of security. What was there to fear when there wasn't the slightest doubt of the end result?

Meanwhile, Eiki was still attempting to come up with a properly formulated response. Apparently she was yet to get fully used to what was now almost routine.

"Komachi , I am very sorry, but I really can't respond to that." Her voice was firm, but not nearly as authoritative and certain as her usual tone. She held the Rod of Remorse tightly, partially hiding her mouth behind it. Komachi felt a little sorry for her. "I thought I already explained the situation to you," she continued, looking more miserable by the moment. Komachi saw her knuckles whiten from the strain from clenching the Rod of Remorse. "You should know that I couldn't possibly-"

"I know that, Lady Eiki," Komachi cut in hastily. Eiki frowned, but allowed her to continue. "I know that you can't reciprocate. I swear I understand it, too. I know what the situation is, and I'm no excepting it to change. I'm not expecting you to do anything about it, either." Then, she summoned up the brightest smile she could muster, one that came from the bottom of her heart. "I just wanted to be sure that you know that I love you."

Eiki looked stunned again, and actually bit at her knuckles as the prolonged silence continued. Then, she continued with a quiet voice.

"Wouldn't it easier not to love me?"

Komachi chuckled. "No doubt about that. Turns out that falling out of love isn't nearly as easy as you'd think."

"I know." Eiki lowered her head even further, so that Komachi couldn't even see her eyes. Another bout of silence ensued. Komachi started counting the time in her head. She herself didn't care much whether they'd show up at work on time or not, but she knew it was a huge deal to Eiki.

"I'm sorry, Komachi," Eiki suddenly said, her voice faint and thick. Komachi felt a flutter in her stomach that had nothing to do with fear. "I'm so very sorry." She began to shake, very subtly, but Komachi was certain she wasn't imagining it.

"It's alright, Lady Eiki," Komachi said reassuringly, making certain to keep a positive face. "It's not something you should apologise for. It's not your fault that I love you."

Eiki flinched at the last three words. "That's not what I meant." She looked like she still had more to say, but she swallowed the follow-up words and just stood there, still shivering.

Komachi felt herself moving forward as if on instinct. Eiki didn't react even when she was standing right in front of her, so she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her to herself. That finally elicited a reaction: Eiki gave a startled shudder and looked up.

"Komachi, really now..." Komachi had been half expecting tears based on Eiki's voice, but while her eyes were awfully bright they were also free of tears. "I don't think-"

"It's okay, I promise." Komachi wanted to lean her head down onto Eiki's, but her crown was in the way. "I get it, I really do. Trust me."

"...Very well then." Eiki let out a deep sigh and then visibly hesitated. She fidgeted around for a moment, but in the end let her arms lie next to her body.

"I'm sorry too, Lady Eiki," Komachi said softly. She resisted the urge to tighten the hug, despite her overwhelming urge to do so. Instead, closed her eyes. The sound of the few birds that dared to fly so close the Sanzu river chirped in the background. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

Eiki shook her head. "No, I am glad that you did. I just wish it all didn't have to be so...unfortunate."

Komachi grinned ever so slightly. "I know, Lady Eiki. Even so, I can't regret what I feel."

"No?"

"Never." She looked down and smiled a little bashfully. "Well, okay, maybe at times, but I've come to the conclusion that it's no use to regret things that can't be helped." She hesitated. "That's white, right?"

Eiki laughed. "Oh, Komachi..." she said, her hand on her face, still smiling. "What ever am I going to do with you?"

Komachi laughed too. "I don't know, Lady Eiki. I thought I was a hopeless case."

"No-one is hopeless," said Eiki. Then, she fell silent, and slowly, ever so slowly, brought her own arms up and wrapped them around Komachi. She pressed her head against Komachi's chest and let out a sigh to end all sighs, deep and wistful. Komachi hardly dared to breathe.

Then, Eiki pulled herself free and to an arm's length, avoiding Komachi's eyes.

"We should head back. We mustn't be late for work."

Komachi hesitated, then nodded. "Right."

Eiki nodded back and coughed, her cheeks still as red as a beetroot. She looked directly at Komachi, her eyes clear and bright. "I truly am sorry."

Komachi nodded again. "Me too."

Eiki nodded too. Nod nod nod. Funny how the constant nodding, which supposedly meant they were agreeing now felt so hollow, despite how calm she had been earlier.

"Should the situation be different, then possibly..."

"I know, Lady Eiki. I know."

Eiki gave Komachi one last look, then turned away. "Indeed. We really should go now."

"Right, Lady Eiki."

And so they continued their journey towards Sanzu River, Komachi a few steps behind Eiki like earlier: she wasn't quite confident enough with herself to walk side by side with her at that moment. It just didn't feel right, not right after what had just happened. The sun still shone on Eiki's hair, but by now they were closing in on the mists of Sanzu River, and the bright August sun was but a pale ghost of what it had been in Gensokyo.

And yet...

It was disconcerting to find out that the hope still hadn't died; it still lurked deep beneath the surface, wounded but absolutely refusing to die. She was starting to doubt there was anything that could slay the beast.

Komachi raised her chin up and smiled. If there was nothing she could do, there was no point moping over it, now was there?

And so, she followed her beloved Lady Eiki, the one who would always be beyond her grasp, with a new spring in her step, ignoring the dragonflies flying over the grass growing by the side of the road.

_THE END_


End file.
